You’re a single mom. And you’re also a woman who is feeling the pangs for companionship, the desire to be desired, and the craving to be touched by someone who isn’t your child. But more than that, you don’t want to feel alone anymore and you want a partner in all of this- someone to share this life with, the ups and downs, and the daily new experiences. You’re ready to now be a single mom dating.
But dating is different when you have a child. Your needs and not just your own. Stable, consistent, and kind are traits that are now somehow more prevalent than hot, stimulating, and wild (it’s a balance…).
You have baggage. And that’s not a bad thing. It simply is. Your body has changed since having a child. You may have stretch marks, a bikini-line scar marking your child’s entrance, or you’re carrying some extra weight. Those early hours that you used to spend at the gym, have been replaced by morning nursing, early school drop off, or attempting to squeeze in some much needed me-time (or sleep).
Still, parenting is one of the most deliciously fulfilling experiences of your life. But it shouldn’t define your life. It’s time to make your love life a priority again… and not feel bad about it.
Enough of the excuses. You deserve to be loved and cherished too.
You deserve to feel like a woman again. It’s time to put some effort into your love life so that you can find love… again.
But before you dive headfirst into the dating pool, you need to be really honest with yourself. Are you ready? A good way to figure that out is to see if you can confidently say the following statements:
- “I accept and own my single mom status!”
This is not your fairytale. You never wanted to be a single mom. But you are, and you have come to terms with it, accepted it, and you’re ok with it. You’re not proud, and you’re also not jaded. You are able to be confidently vulnerable about the reality. Because this is your fairytale truth.
- “I am comfortable being alone”
You don’t feel like you “should” be out doing things, aren’t ashamed of going to bed at 8pm because you are seriously exhausted, and you don’t feel the need to be attached to your phone so cyber friends can keep you company.
However, you don’t want to get too comfortable being alone and lose the urge to date again. You won’t let yourself get into the jaded mindset of: “I have my child, career and social network, so why go through the motions just to fall for another guy who needs my energy, time and in the end may break my heart?”
It’s ok to become bored but not jaded.
- “You can not complete me, because I’m already whole”
This is something that I call “sticky”- you are a complete, interesting, magnetic, intriguing, alluring, memorable person and you leave others wanting MORE! You are Perfectly Imperfect, and Real… because that’s what makes you Love-able.
- “I know that being a mom makes me MORE desirable, not less.”
You have a child and that’s a great thing, not a pain point! You are now instilled with traits that are essential for mommy’ing, and are also surprisingly desirable characteristics as a partner. You are strong, know what you want and need, aren’t playing games, are a nurturer and caregiver, know how to have fun, are organized, you know how to give to others, and you know how to truly love.
- “YES! I am a mom, and I am a WOMAN first.”
Yes you are mom. And you’re also a woman. Don’t forget that. What do you need to do to feel like it? Start taking care of and putting effort into yourself again. Take a bubble bath- with candles in the corners, go to the gym and feel sexy as you sweat, buy yourself a new lacy bra, just do SOMEthing that makes you feel like a hot woman (in addition to a hot mama). Nurture yourself! Buy yourself a present! BE the priority. Show yourself love.
In celebration of Single Parents’ Day, I developed “STICKY…” a line of intentional jewelry that supports dating confidence and helps you find love.
6. “I have Integrity! My Feelings, match my Words, match my Actions.”
Having integrity is more difficult than you may realize. In fact, most of us think we do, without realizing that there is a disconnect between feelings and words, or even before feelings- because we don’t take the time to check in with ourselves to be clear on what we are truly feeling and what we need. Not sure if you do or not? Next time you have a decision to make or an opportunity to contribute your opinion, stop for a second and think about what you want to say. Strip off your feelings of insecurity, shame, anger, “should,” past pain, or to prove yourself, and allow yourself to come from a place of confident vulnerability. Be honest with yourself first- that’s your “feeling.” Now make sure to voice, and them act on those feelings- confidently vulnerably and without apology.
7. “I will BE It, so that I can BECOME It!”
As much as the idea of “Dream it and you will Become it” is beautiful, there is a lot more to it than wishing and hoping your dreams to reality. There are steps and actions that must be taken in order to actualize them. So, from now on, you will no longer sit back and wait for your dreams to come true. If you are really ready to Make them come true, start being them, acting them, living them! Be sure that your attitude, actions, and associations align with all that you want to Become, and soon you will, in fact, BE it.
Learn more about Celebrity Dating Coach Laurel House and how she can help you with your dating life at LaurelHouse.com
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