Oh my God. It is SO HOT IN HERE! When will it be over? Why did I come? I could be outside running instead of sweltering in here. I’m in a Bikram Yoga East Side class with Yoga teacher Viraj Santini. He wears nothing but a pair of swimming briefs, and even though he’s not doing the postures with us, his body glistens with perspiration.
“YANK YOUR TOE HARD! Press your knee down. Come on yoginis and yogis. PUSH! PUSH! PULL! Don’t let your thumbs go!” The room is over 100 degrees and sweat drips from my face onto my yoga mat like a leaky faucet. I sneak another peak at the clock. Time is not moving. Stop looking, I tell myself. Viraj bends over a male student and barks, “Get your two fingers around your toes. Stop dropping your head. Push your knees down. DON’T BE SO LAZY! Push! PUSH! Why aren’t you breathing?”
“I have sweat in my eyes,” the man replies.
“You come up with the lamest excuses!” says Viraj, and then snaps his fingers.
“Sit up!” We spin around, sit up while exhaling two loud sighs and repeat the posture. “Squeeze your toes tight,” he yells. “You want benefits? Sometimes you’ve got to struggle to make progress. You think it’s going to come to you on a gold platter?
Viraj Santini has been teaching yoga for 14 years, and was New York City’s first male Bikram yoga teacher. He’s very tough, and you can’t get away with anything ““ you can’t pretend to be giving it your all because he’ll call you on it quicker than you can say asana. “STRETCH! BREATHE! COME ON! YOU’RE LAZY!” He never stops talking and admonishing us just like a drill sergeant, yet he rarely does it without making us laugh. He was, after all, a stand-up comic and without his humor, I’d never be able to take the heat of this inferno. When he barks at us, it’s only because he’s trying to get us to do it perfectly, not an unusual request.
His wisecracking starts from the first breathing exercise in the series, the one in which we inhale raising our elbows, then exhale through an open mouth, making an audible “haaaah” sound before bringing our elbows back down and inhaling again. “Open your mouth wide like you’re having a wisdom tooth taken out,” he says.
When we do Awkward Pose where you have to squat down on your heels, he calls out, “COME ON, BALANCE THOSE LAPTOPS!” He looks around the room, finds someone scowling and says, “You look like you’re constipated. Smile.” When we get to Triangle Pose, in which we raise our arms straight out like a warrior. “Spread “˜em out hard — you shouldn’t have any cottage cheese hanging from your triceps,” he quips.
It’s hard to laugh when you’re going through contortions in a room hotter than a broiling oven, but how can you not guffaw in the middle of a back bend when he says, “Squeeze your butt as though you’re trying to crack open a Brazil nut.” When we finally get to Spinal Twist, he yells, “Come on! Push! Press the heel of your hand. It should feel like a near-death experience.”
He picks out a student, bends down and tells the student to push against his hand. “Twist. Use that tricep!” He pushes until finally the student twists a good three inches further. “See?” Viraj grins, “I should charge you for that. I just gave you a nice adjustment. A chiropractor would charge $75.00.”
It’s so hot in here I feel as though I’m going to faint, and am relieved when we finally reach the last breathing exercise: two rounds of exhaling 50 breaths very quickly. “Squeeze your abs. Bend into that liver and pancreas.” Viraj looks at a student. “Did you have a deprived childhood? Didn’t you learn how to blow out a birthday candle? Squeeze! Squeeze!” He counts down at the end of the second set: “Four! Three! Two! One! And finally, he tells us to lay down in Savasana.
In every other yoga class I’ve taken, I’ve always looked forward to the relaxation where you just lie comatose and breathe. But not here. I’m overheated, my clothes are dripping wet, and even though he’s just turned off the heat, the room is still a furnace. I squirm. I can’t get comfortable.
“Close your eyes,” he says. “Take a deep breath through the nose. Feel the nectar.” Nectar? What is he talking about? I am dying to get out of here and run into the shower. Nectar? A smoothie! That’s what I want ““ RIGHT NOW!
He looks right at me. “Do I have to tell you how to relax? Let go! It’s a choice to hold onto negative energy.”
I lie there. I hate this class because it’s so hard and pushes me beyond my comfort zone, but I remind myself, I got through it one more time. My muscles are so warm that I can stretch deeper than ever. I detest the postures because they’re so tough, but since I’ve been coming here, I haven’t had another hamstring injury. So, maybe Viraj is right. Maybe I am holding onto negative energy, after all. I close my eyes and smile, visualizing a banana strawberry smoothie.
“Margie Goldsmith
With her love of health and writing, Melissa has written for such publications as Shape, Natural Solutions, Yoga Journal, Self and Pilates Style, and has created recipes and food-oriented stories for such publications as Delicious Living and Cooking Light.
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