Sizzle Into the Fizzle
Melissa Wiliams, Freelance Writer | Co-Owner, Yoga Junction
For whatever reason, over time our sex lives can fizzle instead of sizzle. And the longer the fizzle lasts the less likely you’re going to try to get out of it.
Here are 12 Tips to Revive Your Sex Life
1. Take care of yourself.
The better you feel about yourself the more you’ll feel like having sex. Plus a good diet and regular exercise boost your libido. Some research suggests yoga is particularly helpful as it reduces stress and increases blood flow, leading to improved arousal and ability to orgasm. And hit the sheets right after your heart-thumping cardio. Turns out that increased blood flow to your muscles also means increased blood flow to your nether regions!
2. Unleash yourself.
He wants to be with you, so let him be with you. Figure out ways to feel sexy and uninhibited in the bedroom, whether that’s with a new thong or a sexy Brazilian bikini wax.
3. Cross train.
Not every round is going to result in the big O. Instead, think about your sex sessions as cross-training workouts. Some are more endurance-based, some work the fast-twitch muscle fibers, some involve props while others do not. Going further, sometimes sex needs to just be sex and other times it will involve a deeper emotional connection. Try them all!
4. Sex begets sex.
Just like sleep begets sleep. The more you have sex the more you’ll want it. Make it a priority and see where it leads you. Or take the challenge to have sex everyday (or every other) for a month!
5. Engage in Foreplay All Day Long
Foreplay doesn’t only have to mean kissing and oral sex. Holstein recommends both verbal and non-verbal sexual cues to encourage a healthy sexual appetite. “Gliding his fingers along the back of her neck or running his hands down her spine, looking at her from across the room with loving eyes, giving her a massage those are things that will turn her on, especially if done without that caveat of ‘if you look back at me intently we have to go to bed,’ or ‘as soon as this massage is done I am going to get in your pants.’ Women are hyper-sensitive to ‘I am just servicing him.’ She wants her man to constantly invite her to experience her feminine.”
6. Listen to Erotic Stories
Pornos are designed for men, but women love to listen to sexy stories (this goes back to men being visual creatures and women being auditory). Britton loves the sexy stories from Sounds Publishing and Sounds Erotic. The female written and read stories vary in levels of naughtiness from plain old vanilla to down and dirty. Of course, there are a slew of trashy paperbacks out there, but with an audio book you are hands free, which allows you to enjoy the fantasy while engaging with your partner.
7. Good & Plenty
Skip the chocolate and strawberries and fill your fridge with Good & Plenty and cucumbers the scent of which, in combination, is said to increase blood flow to women’s nether regions. Oh, and tell your guy to lose the cologne. A study conducted by Alan R. Hirsch, neurological director for the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, revealed that women who were exposed to the scent of licorice reported a 13 percent increase in blood flow to her genitals, compared to an 18 percent reduction from the scent of cherries and 1 percent reduction from the scent of men’s cologne. Though the exact reason why licorice arouses women is unclear, Hirsch believes that it is either chemically induced or olfactory-evoked nostalgia. You can stimulate even more senses with chocolate and walnuts. Chocolate instantly boosts production of phenylethylamine, a chemical that directly affects the brain’s pleasure center, increasing the intensity of orgasms! Walnuts are loaded with manganese, which can activate an increase in your body’s release of the “feel good” chemical dopamine. Some restaurants make incorporating erotic foods into your diet easy. The Aphrodisiac Restaurant in Los Angeles not only sets the mood with dim lights and lots of deep reds, but then they are sure to include an erotic ingredient into every dish! For an even sexier evening, they have a bedroom, complete with a deep red satin comforter, a butler, and a set menu of aphrodisiac entrees.
8. Start With The Feet
You don’t have to have a foot fetish to be aroused by a foot massage. Through reflexology you can actually improve your sex drive with the touch of a finger. Michelle Ebbin, owner of Basic Knead and “reflexologist to the stars” views self massage as “a time when you can, and should, tune everything and everyone out and focus on yourself. It’s the time when you can turn inward and pay attention to your own needs. It’s your time to space out and relax your body and your mind.” To increase your sex drive, Ebbin suggests that you massage the hollow just below the ankle bone on the inside and outside of the ankle. These are the reflexes to the sex organs. (For women it connects to the uterus and ovaries, for men it is linked to the prostate and testes.)
9. Connect With Your Body
Holstein suggests that you tune in with your body by focusing on really feeling its sensations and feeling completely comfortable in your skin. Dedicate an entire day to your body. Do a few yoga poses. Get a massage. Take a long sensual bath with essential oils. Let your hand slide along your shaven legs and enjoy the sensation. Once you are warm and your skin is supple and glowing, walk around the house naked. So many women are physically insecure because they don’t allow themselves to enjoy their beautiful bodies. When you remove your clothes, there is no longer excess skin rolling over your pants or bulging against your bra strap. You are your most beautiful when you are naked. We spend our entire day in our heads, so getting out of our heads and into our body can help the sexual experience. Stand in front of the mirror and love the body you see. If any negative comments enter your mind, release them, and immediately replace them with something positive about your body. The more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more relaxed and intimate you will allow yourself to be with your partner. Your lover loves your body, so should you.
Yoga class does more than stretch your muscles, tone your abs, and calm your nerves. According to Ellen Barrett, author of Sexy Yoga (Ulysses Press, 2004), certain yoga positions, like Eagle pose (a standing balancing posture in which you hook one foot around the other calf so that you are balancing on one foot while twisting your arms around each other so that your palms connect in front of your face) increase prana flow to the root and sacral chakras, which govern the sexual organs, and direct blood flow directly to a woman’s pelvis, creating a warm and relaxed sensation and increasing desire and sensation. Camel pose (essentially a backbend during which you allow your head to drop back, opening your chest and your throat) opens the heart chakra, allowing for more compassion and intimacy in relationships. Squat (where you squat your butt down between your legs, keep your torso upright, and place your arms between your legs with your hands pressed into prayer pose) helps to open the root chakra while releasing tension in the hips and allowing for more comfortable movement.
11. Stimulate Your Senses
Britton’s book The Complete Idiots Guide to Sensual Massage (Alpha, 2003) has a chart of sensual scents that elevate arousal when you diffuse them into the air or massage them into the skin. For example, ylang-ylang is said to be an aphrodisiac, encouraging sexual stimulation. Rose is the highest vibrating plant, accessing and opening the heart center, which is the root of romance and a trigger of desire. Lavender is effective because it is a relaxant and anything that relaxes the body allows libido to flourish (that’s why it is hard to get aroused when you are stressed). Scent is the most potent memory sense. If a certain scent, such as patchouli, reminds you of feverishly making out with your high school boyfriend, smelling patchouli can trigger your libido to liven up with your new man.
12. Calendar It!
Laura Corn, best-selling sex author of several books including 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex (Park Avenue Publishers, 2000), argues that if you want to increase your libido, have sex more often! “I view sex like working out. You know you are doing something that is great for you and will make you feel good. The more you tend to your partner on a regular basis, the more you will boost your own libido. Women get out of the routine and then wonder why they don’t want sex. Well, they don’t want sex because they aren’t having sex.” Yeah, it’s a catch 22. Like scheduling your workouts, if your libido is in dire shape, put sex on your calendar and just show up. “Send your guy a text or an email telling him that he is getting laid tonight because then you are on the hook and you can’t back out. It also adds the element of anticipation, which is incredibly sexy.”
Resource: Dr. Holstein, Dr. Britton, Your sex coach
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