When you turn your vigilance to undermining thoughts, when you choose not to give quarter to self sabotage, when you practice some self love, your courage to be the sexual gypsy or any other incarnation that you desire is rewarded.
There is something mysterious inherent in the feminine – something in us that is attached to the night, the moon, and the sexual allure of the unknown.
To the logical, sequential masculine mind, this aspect of a woman is beyond intuition, it is a knowing from our bones and a magical enchantment that is part of the siren call. Women who are in touch with the gypsy archetype welcome the unplanned flow of life. They expect and enjoy change; they delight in the unexpected; they are enlivened by chance occurrence and serendipity. Gypsies are not wedded to their lists; they are neither control freaks nor slaves to convention. So, what about some gypsy energy for you, and for your man? Can you imagine seduction involving a few secrets? Would surprise entice your partner? And, would you find the planning of a mysterious evening exciting as well?
Of course it sounds intriguing in the abstract; a little bit of ‘harem energy’, a tantalizing scarf dance, blindly tasting treats, some erotic readings ala Scheherazade. What man and what gypsy wouldn’t like that? But, being a gypsy is just not compatible with the control freak’s life. We like things planned; we want to know what to expect, when to expect it, and where we need to be. Flowing as the spirit moves us just does not get us to the bottom of the list.
And for a true control freak, it may not even be the checkmarks on that list but rather the anxiety of not knowing the outcome of each encounter, including sexual ones, that stops us. Delving into the mystery of a deep connection with your mate means being there fully. It means being truly present to his eyes, skin, breath his aura, and weaving your own around him. Yes, you can pick the music, light a candle, tie on a beautiful scarf, and select an evocative poem, but that is all secondary to the still presence you must bring, which allows the mystery to unfold around both of you. The trick is to set the stage and then let the play unfold.
The foundational requirement for sexual gypsy love is trust.
Trust requires secure boundaries and when it comes to sex, many women are not certain of their world. They act as if the earth is flat; safe only as far as one can see and then you just fall off into the abyss of dark, dangerous sex! Of course there are reasons for this attitude. Some of us have seen one too many horror movies, have personally had frightening experiences, or just felt repeatedly pushed by a lover to engage in activities that did not flow from the natural connection between ourselves and our man. Was he just checking off stunts on his own sexual check list?
It is natural to be wary. But by contracting with your partner to honor any discomfort, physical, emotional or spiritual, during sex, you can begin to trust. When you know that it is you he wants to connect with and not some preset fantasy, both of you are free to sail the seas of sexual exploration and delight in new discoveries of merging. The safety contract provides the cove for the enchantment that the gypsy enjoys offering her man.
Once you feel secure with your man, the next challenge is to deal with the monster of self-judgment.
When we indulge the ceaseless voice of criticism about our imperfections, all mystery and delightful intrigue is swamped by the muck of shame. Our upper arms are flabby, there are circles under our eyes, what about these too large (or small) breasts? The ‘creature from the deep’ knows all of your flaws and never hesitates to expose them, repeatedly, to you as you envision a moment of sexual magic.
But, there is a solution to this monster, laugh in its face! If you can avoid taking it and yourself too seriously, you can cruise right by. Here are some of my favorite responses to this demon: ‘Here I go again, thinking about how I look instead of how I am loving my man’, ‘Of course I am not perfect, who is?’ ‘Stop thinking, what am I sensing in this very moment?’ ‘This is a precious connection; I refuse to be shamed by my own mind.’ You get the idea. It is taking control of your own mental terrorist in order to fully experience love. When you turn your vigilance to undermining thoughts, when you choose not to give quarter to self sabotage, when you practice some self love, your courage to be the gypsy-lover or any other incarnation that you desire is rewarded.
Sexual enchantment, mystery, and magic is, at its core, loving your mate and yourself despite being ordinary; it is being all too human and yet striving for divine love; it is having dinner cooking on the stove and a crystal ball in the cupboard. So, how about giving the Gypsy a little part in your love play? Let the control freak find the time in your busy life and let her take care of the place and privacy details, she is good at that. Then bring out the scarves, it is time to laugh and to dance!