Be nicer to your spouse. To your kids. To your mother. But did you ever think you might need to add yourself to the list? It turns out, you should! It’s important too, to start by practicing self-kindness and learning to silence your inner critic.
Feeling satisfied and happy requires that you also have self-compassion and self-kindness. And self-compassion is quite different from self-esteem. Self-esteem gets a boost when we succeed or win; self-compassion on the other hand, gets a boost when we treat ourselves with love and care—whether we’re winning or not.
And the more we treat ourselves with self-compassion and love, the more willing we are to try harder. The feelings of failure dissipate when we recognize that we’re not alone. So this year, keep your commitments to be nicer to those around you, but also make a commitment to be nicer to yourself.
Here are 5 ways to do just that.
- Allow your inner critic, or the inner “story” you tell yourself to go away. When you hear yourself saying a judgmental thought or “re-telling” a story in such a way that it makes you feel badly, realize it is just your inner critic and its not being helpful. Recognize this voice and then dismiss it.
- Heal. If your best friend came to you with a failure from work, you wouldn’t tell her how awful she was. You’d treat her to a glass of wine and recommend a warm bath. Why not treat yourself the same way? Instead of punishing yourself for failure, give yourself a boost so that you move on.
- Connect. When your mind gets in the way, take a few moments and place your hands over your belly or your heart and send yourself loving and compassionate thoughts.
- I am able. Remember Stuart Smalley, the character on SNL played by Al Franken? Known for his own self-compassionate quote, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” Smalley was the epitome of positive affirmations. And while you don’t need to go to quite his extremes, there are positive benefits to stating positive expectations out loud. Say what you wish to occur!
- Recognize that everyone has a bad day. Instead of wallowing in your bad day, acknowledge that it’s been rough. Take a breath and figure out what you can do to feel better. Take a yoga class, visit a friend for tea. Hang out in your pajamas and watch Downton Abbey. You get the drift.
By Melissa Williams
Melissa B. Williams is a freelance writer and editor based in Louisville, Colorado. She previously served as the Editorial Director for Healing Lifestyles & Spas for 10 years and remains a frequent contributor.
With her love of health and writing, Melissa has written for such publications as Shape, Natural Solutions, Yoga Journal, Self and Pilates Style, and has created recipes and food-oriented stories for such publications as Delicious Living and Cooking Light.
With her love of health and writing, Melissa has written for such publications as Shape, Natural Solutions, Yoga Journal, Self and Pilates Style, and has created recipes and food-oriented stories for such publications as Delicious Living and Cooking Light.
Latest posts by Melissa, Editorial Director (see all)
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