The most important intimate relationship of your life is the one you have with yourself. When you were born, you were already perfectly you, ready to unfold. To the extent that you were encouraged to be you and not just the reflection of those around you, you came to know and love yourself.
However, even with the best of parents, family, and community, we can get lost in an attempt to please others, and that leads us down roads far from our true selves. It’s time to reclaim and cherish your intimate relationship with who you really are.
February is fast approaching, and some may believe Valentine’s Day is only for couples and the romance of being in love with someone else. It can also be the time of the year that reminds you to touch base with yourself, and slow down and listen to the voice of your own heart. February could be utilized to say and do loving things for yourself, in essence, to romance yourself. Too often we look outside of ourselves waiting for someone else to make us feel loved and cherished. But love, and the confidence that comes with it, absolutely starts with you. The good news is you can pour on tender loving self-care with reckless abandon and without excuses. The more you love yourself the more you attract truly loving relationships into your life. Here are 4 useful tips for developing the most loving intimate relationship any of us will ever know:
1. Have your own best interests at heart.
Think in terms of what the flight attendant says to passengers on an airplane before take-off: ‘In case of an emergency when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling above, put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs.’ Often we focus on what’s best for others and pleasing them while ignoring what is right for ourselves. It’s our primary responsibility to take care of ourselves so that when the time comes and the opportunity to help others presents itself, we’ll have a reserve of love and energy to offer. The tender, giving hearts of the world often burn out all too soon, because they neglect taking care of themselves. Let February be the month that you remember to take to take stock of what matters most to you and to realign your life to match your intentions and purpose.
2. Tend your relationship fences.
As much as possible surround yourself with people who care about you and leave room for you to be your best self. In all intimate relationships, it’s imperative to have proper boundaries to both connect you to others and protect you from other people’s expectations of you. It’s one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and for the people in your life. Those with whom you feel safe and respected, clear, reasonable boundaries are all that’s required to demonstrate where you end and they begin. But with people who tend to impose and intrude, we need to visualize a strong and tall fence that clearly prevents them from pushing your buttons. Well considered relationship fences will offer each of us peace of mind and a feeling of safety and freedom to be your best.
3. Have your own back when things get tough.
We all make mistakes, take wrong turns, and feel embarrassed at various points in our lives. And even when we do everything right, bad things can still happen that leave us feeling untethered. Your self-talk during those times is key to your self-esteem. Instead of berating yourself with self-ridicule, speak with compassion and patience as a best friend would. Get in there and get your hands dirty uncovering what your beautiful truth really is. Mistakes offer information we can learn from and assist us in moving forward feeling wiser and better equipped for the next time things go south.
4. Take the time to look yourself in the mirror and offer reassurance.
How often do you look in the mirror and focus on the flaws instead of your innate beauty? The truth is you shouldn’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else to say to you. In fact, go the extra mile and say out loud, “You’re amazing!” whenever you pass a mirror. It will lift your spirits and make you smile. You could add on your favorite term of endearment while you’re at it. It’s fun, try it! “You’re amazing, cutie pie!”
Let this February be your time to recalibrate and refuel, and focus on further developing a deeper intimate relationship with the most important person in your life. Take extra special care of your body, mind, and soul. Treat yourself to flowers, or gather your loved ones together and share a delicious meal. You’re the only you there is in the world. You matter and can do great things that no one else can in the same way. When you get that, deep in your heart, and you treat yourself with encouragement and loving-kindness, you will change your world.
By Terry Barnett-Martin, LMFT
Article Related to Loving Yourself:
- Sweed Beauty - April 17, 2026
- Farmhouse Fresh - April 17, 2026
- Marina Miracles - April 17, 2026