QUESTION: Coach Allana, this woman I asked out just cancelled our date. How do I handle it- especially because I sense her excuse is BS? Since she expressed interest by giving me her number, I realize it might just be a test. How should I deal with a last-minute cancellation?
Coach Allana’s expert advice ensues …
I am so sorry. That can really hurt. Yet, I suppose you can be grateful she called and didn’t pull a no-show? So it seems according to your awareness, she was interested in you and then at the last minute chickened out? Changed her mind?
Getting nervous is normal, doubting ourselves is normal, talking ourselves out of something is normal, yet I’d really like you to focus and spend your effort on someone who WANTS to go out with you and shows up to enjoy you, rather than waste your time and energy on someone who is wishy-washy.
I encourage you to stay clear of women who ‘test’ you and play games. If she does that now, she’s likely always going to play games and test you and who wants that? I would honestly move on. You don’t have to be angry and judge her. Just bless and release her and recognize that she’s at a stage in development where she’s not grounded in her certainty. I’m sure there have been times where that’s been true for you. I know I’ve been there myself. You require someone who embraces vulnerability and meets you where you’re at and expands you, not pulls you back.
The only other thing I’d say is if you KNOW her excuse is BS and you sense she could talk about that with you, you might want to acknowledge it with vulnerability and kindness. Maybe something like, “I sense that perhaps you’re having second thoughts about going out with me. I know I’ve had second thoughts sometimes. It would mean a lot to me if you’d be straight with me. Would you like me to call again to take you out in the future, or would you’d prefer I not? Either way is cool, it’s just great to be authentic with one another. I’d really appreciate that.”
Put that in your masculine words and not Allana-ese of course. Maybe it’s just because I’m an Intimacy Coach that I prefer that level of authentic conversation, yet I have a really hard time playing games or being false. I put it all out there. Granted, confrontation for some who prefer to keep their masks firmly in place can be highly uncomfortable. Yet, for you, it can be an expression of your willingness to be real and a chance to embrace vulnerability.
Thus if you have the awareness that they are playing games yet they DON’T have the capacity to have an authentic conversation with you about it, then don’t waste your breath or set yourself up to be abused. Just let it go and move on. It’s like when someone is super drunk, you wouldn’t waste your time trying to have a deep conversation with them. Or when your kid is freaking out having a tantrum you wouldn’t bother trying to reason with them.
Same goes for this, if they can’t receive your authentic communication, just let it go. You don’t need the last word; that’s just your bruised ego. Rise above it and open your eyes, mind, heart, and soul to meet someone who would adore spending time with you! Be sure that you truly are 100% available for intimacy and vibrationally you will have the capacity to attract that match.
And if you have the awareness they CAN find the vulnerability to have a conversation with you, it’s delicious to savor a miracle… that moment when love trumps fear… that moment when someone steps up and is intimate and authentic with you and stays connected! True intimacy allows you to dive into the mystery of a vulnerable conversation and something magical and exquisite occurs… this is what I hope for you… and so much more.
Deliciously yours, Allana xo
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